||[29 Nov 2013|02:00am]
There are a lot of really ridiculous things you'd find if you looked in my Google searches.
Pregnancy signs, how to fix constipation, how to not be jealous are just a few of my less proud searches.
Thank god for the internet, though, or else I'd have to ask people :p I guess the internet is really an awful place (in a way), for people like me, who never want to admit their fears and faults.
Anyway, I have looked several times on how to build confidence. I don't consider myself UNconfident, but I sure wish I had a lot more of it. I know people trust me because I am honest, but I would like people to trust my capabilities because I show my confidence. The conflict here is that I also really prize modesty. I am pretty irritated by people who can go on and on about how amazing and perfect they are and how they are just kicking life's ass all the time (in a good way). I get angry and jealous when I hear these sort of things. I want to be just as stupid and naive and be able to go on and on about my good qualities too! Truthfully this is why I am so comfortable in a Japanese environment - my boss can see my good qualities without me having to speak them out loud. However, if I want to get a job at a different place, I am going to have to be able to talk about my good qualities. SO, I decided to push past some very regular, personal, and embarrassing Meg-thoughts here and try to reverse them with confident ideas.
1.) I am gorgeous. I have bright green eyes and an amazing smile. I have flowing long princess hair and clear skin. I have some pretty sexy curves and an ass I like to grab myself. I have a nice set of boobs and there is no reason for me not to feel flirty, sexy, fantastic, and confident about the physical image I show other people. I need to sit up straight and not hunch over to cover my body. I am so lucky! I am not overweight and I have soft skin and am very desirable.
2.) I am sexy. When it comes to behind closed doors, and sometimes public spaces (hahaha), I am very sexy. It's not something many people know about, but I have no worries about not being a satisfying partner whatsoever and that is because I am sexy. I do not go out of my way to please and in the end, I end up with admirers who would like a piece of this.
3.) I am brilliant. I can pick up anything I put my mind too. I want to cook? Bam, I can become amazing. I want to knit? Bam, there's a scarf. Hmm... that knitting is not interesting enough. Bam! I can knit a sweet pattern. I want to learn Japanese? No problem. I want to study abroad? I'm there. I want to move thousands of miles away to live by the ocean and live the glamorous life I've always imagined? Done. Want the perfect boyfriend? Oh dude I've got it on lock. Anything I want to do, if I care to do it, I can. Watch out world, if I care, you are all in a lot of trouble.
Ok, that's enough for now. Talking about these sorts of things are exhausting, don't expect this to happen again gaaaaaaaahhhh